What Would the Community Think?

Outrage letter in response to Ms. Shirley Jackson's "The Lottery"

Dear Morning Paper:

This morning I opened up your paper to find one of the worst atrocities I have ever read in print in my entire life. The unhinged and irresponsible trash story by Ms. Jackson is irredeemable. My family’s home is no landfill of amputated emotions with thinly vailed intentions. The true monsters were my neighbors residing across the street. My recently departed devil worshipping neighbors are the ones who deserve Ms. Jackson’s criticism.

Suspiciously quiet neighbors always have something to hide. The family attempted to keep their unsightly problems out of view but I knew my punk neighbors were hiding something probably. Their son was always looking sickly with his fuchsia hair and ridiculous Satanic tattoos. He was probably yet another useless junkie drawing upside down pentagrams in his room and playing that Satanic Dungeons & Dragons game. Furthermore, I simply can’t understand why that family always faced me with an exhausted and reserved expression every time I tried to offer them a simple greeting on my morning walks. On the weekends I saw and heard the mother drop clanking trash bags into her garbage bin. I wasn’t able to see all of their empty alcoholic devil bottles but I could certainly hear the glass and cans as settle into the bin when they dropped. There should be no place for a family like that. What would the community think?

In my home I proudly hang a crucified & sculpted Jesus Christ in every room. Our Lord and savior’s wooden lacquered abs glisten beautifully when the light hits them just right throughout the day. In my comfortable home we proudly display an always-empty swear jar and only delightful Thomas Kincade paintings decorate our lavish home. Each Kincade masterpiece depicts a different variation of perfectly rendered cottages, pine trees and comfortable skies. I certainly don’t want anything shocking or unsightly hanging in my home. What would our guests think? What would the community think?

The Lord’s Holy Bible is a centerpiece in our home. During Sunday dinner, our church guests always compliment the slick, thick, leather-bound lord’s word propped up throughout our home. Our living room flatscreen television blares only the best televangelists. My husband is not allowed to view risky late night ABC television. It may possibly present some sort of Satanic nudity. This house is a house of the lord and we don’t need that Satanic activity here.

The last straw came when I noticed that the neighbors across the street laughing while hauling groceries out of their car. The mother & son looked like paint sniffing drug addicts. That family needed to be taken care of right away. At that moment, I barged out of my front door. I promptly greeted that single mother and her devil worshipping son with my wide rehearsed grin. I pleasantly greeted “My goodness. What do we have here this morning. I continued, “What are you two doing? I think I have a right to know? I really don’t think you should be bringing your junkie son around to these good parts any more sweet neighbor. It simply scares everyone in the neighborhood. "You two look like the degenerate homeless crawling around now-a-days. Our Lord and Savior was no disgraceful, homeless, low-life who slept in the street. Jesus was a king! What would the community think? As I grabbed a large stone in front of my feet, I wailed “ There’s not enough stones in this entire neighborhood to wail at a family like yours. You two are a disgrace. You don’t even attend Sunday service. What would the community think?”

After our little talk my two neighbors absorbed the hint/hit. The family wasted no time and promptly moved away. They deserve to be gone. Your newspaper can take that story and shove it where the sun don’t shine. What on earth would the community think?